tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813544489945171772011-11-27T15:38:48.462-08:00Walk with me as I remember all that has made me and brought me to where I am today, and share in my new experiences, feelings, joys, and difficulties as I continue to be and will always be a mother grieving the death of her youngest son from cancer.Nancy Thomasonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045747501676497711noreply@blogger.comBlogger11100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-481354448994517177.post-62915557343409719102008-08-23T08:43:00.000-07:002008-09-02T12:43:34.652-07:00<div>My son Cade died at the age of 17 months. He battled his brain cancer from the age of 6 weeks on. There was barely a time when Cade did not have to endure needles, tests, doctors, hospitals and sickness. But regardless of all that he was going through physically he remained a happy and joyful child. Always giving mouth wide open slobber filled kisses, or blowing kisses to those he loved like his mema and papa who cared for him while I worked. Regardless of how terrible he felt, he could always muster up a smile for us. Cade had the wisest eyes, very deep and soulful. I always said and felt that he was a very old soul in a little baby's body.</div> <br /><div> </div> <br /><div>It is very ironic, when Cade was born I very distinctly remember the nurse saying again and again how perfect he was. His head was perfectly round, his color perfectly pink...he was just a beautiful baby. It is unbelievablelthat this terrible tumor was lurking in his little head. </div> <br /><div> </div> <br /><div>I guess it is kind of like life, things can be going along perfectly and then all a sudden the bottom of your life falls out. You think you have everything together, under control and we find out we have no control - control is an illusion. Don't get me wrong life isn't a series of random events, we make decisions that lead us to places in our lives good or bad, and ware held accountable for those decisions. But I beleive that God has a plan in the midst of it all. He knows what mistakes we are going to make and already has a plan in place that will turn our tragedy into triumph. The hard part is getting to the point you are ready and willing to accept it.</div> <br /><div> </div> <br /><div>When Cade was diagnosed with brain cancer there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. As a parent I am supposed to protect and care for my child but there was nothing I could do to ease his pain or end his suffering. It was out of my control. I didn't take that lying down though. Of course, I educated myself about brain tumors and became very well versed on the ends and outs of caring for a child with brain cancer. More than anyone ever should be, that is for sure. But nonetheless I did what ever I could that was in my control to make Cade's life as pain free as possible.</div> <br /><div> </div> <br /><div>It has taken me a long time to accept the role God has given me. I find myelf reminding Him almost daily that I did not ask for this, it was thrust upon me and He never asked my permission.</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/481354448994517177-6291555734340971910?l=tragedy2triumph.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Nancy Thomasonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045747501676497711noreply@blogger.com0